Freeze Frame

Back to the qustion: Do I belong here?

Stop me right here and freeze the picture. I'm forty something and fat-ish. Two kids on the lauch pad and they're only inching along. Another one still at home watching their slow take off will either learn some good lessons or will follow in his brother and sister's footsteps. Right now, his progress is a crap shoot.

There's a husband and a job. The job is more than that. It's a calling. Ministry. I am a forty-ish, fat-ish mother of three who answered a call to preach and to minister to--pastor--people in the south. Southern Christians are my parish. The south as all of God's kingdom or God's kingdom down south. There's a distinction there that I've tried to tease out for a long time but now it's like I'm a little cross eyed. I can't tell the difference. I'm depressed and tired of this place.

I want to move to the city.I want to live in a walk-up with news stand on one corner and a deli on the other. I want to be able to call a cab or catch a bus and to think about the drivers and two of my key parishoners. I want kid number three to find out something about the world beyond walmart and the Gap outlet mall.